My Meditation Journal Day #109

I had quite a turbulent mind today. I have no clue what’s causing that.

Right from the beginning, my unrest feelings about the body and my unrest thoughts surged and hit me one after another.

“Wow”, I told myself: “Let”s see what’s gonna happen today.”

So I kept sitting there, without moving a muscle. Slowly the muscle on my left side in my lower back and the muscle in my right thigh got tighter and tighter. It became quite bothersome.

And my thoughts emerged from nowhere like I always got during meditation. But this time they were accompanied by some emotions, indescribable hype surge one after another.

To be honest, I was so ready to terminate the meditation at any minute. I thought: there must be something happening. Then some voice echoed: you are not the mind, not the mind, not the mind.

So I talked silently to myself: “No, I am not gonna leave the meditation. I just sit here, simply sit, no matter what happens. Nothing will happen. So be it.”

And then the body and mind got quieter and rested. I ended up meditating for a long time. And yes, nothing happened.

But everything had just happened…my body and mind are slowly destructed. Piece by piece, layer by layer.