Today after my morning meditation and Qigong practice, I start to realize why so many sages and enlightened beings in the history said “True practice starts when you realize”. In Chinese, it is “悟后方才真修”.
In the past, I wondered what to realize about, what to do to realize. Today I kinda know partially, if not completely, what that saying means, through my true experience.
As soon as I start my meditation and Qigong practice, I often feel the tension in my right side of body. I feel that my muscles are very tight from right foot, through right calve, all the way to right thigh. I feel that my hips are not very centered, my right hip tends to lean a bit forward. I feel a very clear tension line along my whole spine, from neck to tailbone, on its right side. I could feel that my body is not balanced from inside. But from outside, everything looks great.
Today I realize that the source of that tension comes from somewhere deep inside, beyond what logic can explain. It is not some psychological stress as what most people would imagine. That tension is a manifestation from something distorted inside, beyond those psychological disturbances caused by social influences over the years in my life.
Today I realize that it is much deeper than that. Until I can perceive it clearly, I couldn’t say more about it. However what I did differently today was, I sensed it clearly, I faced it, and I allowed and accepted it 100%. Then I felt a great relief although temporarily. During the whole process of meditation and practice, I just looked at it in its face, looked how it evolved when my body and mind had a different posture. (Yes mind can post different posture too.)
Many things have happened. And many other things will continue to happen. When I looked back closely and I found that, a lot of things happened in all aspects of living: between families and friends, between customers and partners, between followers and mentors. Whatever the causes would be, knowingly or unknowingly, they make me realize, bit by bit of what I am not and what boundaries I am still holding on to. All of them happen to me in my life because they are supposed to happen to help me realize more and dissolve more.