This morning when I meditate, the usual soreness in my right shoulder blade hit me again. I told myself that this doesn’t bother me because I keep telling myself that I am not this physical body.
The soreness didn’t go away, and it got more and more intense. I just observed it and watched it growing and expanding, and I know that I can handle it this time like many other times in the past. I know that the cool breeze sensation will replace the soreness feeling sooner enough because I have been gone through that many times in the past.
Then I asked myself: why is it always my right shoulder blade? Why do I care about the soreness or pain in my right shoulder? Will I die if I don’t care about it any more?
Suddenly I realized that because I believe that the soreness and pain is not a good thing. So I don’t like it no matter where it happens. I try many things to avoid it and I try very hard to eliminate it, by “great ways” like meditation and qigong practice. It seems that I was successful in handling it and controlling it. I was able to ease off the “bad sensation” within a couple of minutes by just focusing on detaching me from my body. I was very happy about that achievement. And I was even proud of myself. I know it’s ego and I still liked it.
But today, I realized that the reason that this soreness becomes an issue and always bother me is totally my discrimination. So I ask myself: am I willing to accept whatever happens in my body? Am I Willing to live whatever life throws at me? Am I Willing unconditionally?
I kept asking and asking, until I couldn’t help but tears came down. Yes all the time I live my life in a selective willingness. I was happy because life happens the way I like; I was miserable when life throws any kind of nasty things (according to my discrimination) to me. Illnesses, relationship or career challenges, you name it.
But when I start to willingly accept the life itself without any judgment or selection, I feel that I could finally drop my soreness and pain. And it was just gone. Suddenly the huge flow of cool breeze happened everywhere in my body, simply by dropping off this discrimination about “good or bad” sensations.
I realize that from day one, my right shoulder blade, my body was never an issue. It is just my discrimination, those likes and dislikes create the issue. So, are you willing?
Hey Delphine, thank you for sharing your experiences. It resanates inside of me, helping me in my own inner growing.